MSN's home page this morning is showing a tab called "10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom". Here are those 10 things:
1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.
2. I suppose it's smart that you're working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.
3. I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful;
4. It's cute when they call your nanny "Mama."
5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.
6. Did you see Dateline? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?
7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that's just me!
8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else's mom.
9. You must feel so guilty.
10. I wish I were as laid-back as you and could just let the housework go.
People don't really say these things, do they? It's like that myth that strangers will constantly want to touch your pregnant belly. I never had a single stranger approach me with outstretched germ infested, stranger hands (although that may be more of a testament to my "don't you dare" stare and facial disapproval). So truthfully, are people really stupid enough to say these things? And if so, isn't it a little less frowned upon in the judicial system to attack stupid people? I mean come on? Can a judge really side with an idiot? In the event someone should say one of these things to me, let's hope not.
I really love #2! And just to rub a little salt in that open, festering wound of guilt and sadness working moms naturally harbor, #4 and #5 are particularly fabulous. Truthfully all of these come across like a swift kick to the groin, which makes me think no one in their right mind is really dense enough to say them.
If you see these phrases and think "I have said something similar to this in the past to the working mom I know" and you didn't get socked in the jaw (be thankful), just be aware that these are completely inappropriate and 100% out of line. Also know, if you say them to me, you better have a fight or flight reflect or be really good at "duck and cover". Because best case scenario you will get the tongue lashing (and not the good kind) of a life time and worst case scenario....it gets ugly.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Learning the life of a working mom
I started back to work on Monday morning, which means Josie started daycare (which from this point forward will be referred to as "school"). I thought for sure I would be the mom they have to escort out to the parking lot for upsetting the other children with loud sobs and sloppy wailing. I was wrong. I plopped Josie down in a Boppy and she was laughing and giggling before I could even stand up. She was perfectly fine....and as it turned out, so was I. Although I will tell you I rushed to pick her up that afternoon and was so happy to hold her in my arms.
Although we aren't quite into the groove of school days yet, I have already found some important pros and cons of leaving Josie during the day and returning to work.
The Pro's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-Josie learns to socialize with other children
-I get to socialize with other adults
-I get to stop using my "baby talk" voice all day long
-I change fewer poopy diapers
-Josie sleeps like a champ at night because she is no longer taking really long naps during the day
-Josie strengthens her immune system
-Josie and Mommy learn how to combat attachment issues (although there really weren't any on her part, yet)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional (I would guess this makes Brandon pretty happy)
The Con's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-I don't get to hang out with my little peanut all day
-sickness. I give it one week before she has one or more of the following....cold, flu, ear infection, RSV
-no more watching Ellen :(
-having to pump at work (this is tricky, especially since my office does not have a door)
-I have to do work (I know....who would have thought?)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional
In the end, even though it's hard, I think Brandon and I are currently making the best choice for our little family. I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom, but it just doesn't fit into our plans right now. Plus, I would really need a strict schedule. By the end of my maternity leave I was getting tired of just sitting around the house (and please know each day included the constant care of a child, house cleaning, laundry, and general food prep for dinner....so there was not a whole lot of "sitting" going on). Although I do not consider myself to be "organized" by any means, the past 3 months taught me that I need some sort of structure in my day to day life, otherwise....it all goes to heck in a hand basket (and I wear sweat pants all day long)!
So far the schedule of balancing baby and work has been pretty rigid. Each morning I try to figure out how to get up, shower, and ready for work before I wake her up. Once she's up I have to get her fed and ready to go. Thankfully (starting this morning), Brandon will be dropping Josie off at school each day. This will help me keep my morning somewhat sane. Then I head off to work, where I have to occasionally take a 15-30 minute break to pump. Then I pick Josie up from daycare. We go home, she eats, we eat, bath time, more Josie eating, baby bed time, bottle making time (from the day's pumping) and then bedtime for Brandon and I! Somewhere in there we manage to have a conversation or two, maybe even a kiss hello or good night, and a 3am feeding! I know working moms have been making it happen for years and years, we just have to find our routine! It's somewhat exhausting (and it's only the first week) but I keep telling myself how great it will be to have Josie all to ourselves this weekend. This mama is definitely "working for the weekend".
Hopefully we will continue to see the pro's of our decision outweigh the con's. Hopefully I can keep the guilt of dropping my child off with "strangers" each day at bay. I look forward to what the future holds for Miss Josie, especially as she develops new skills and learns at school! But, mostly, right now....I look forward to 5pm each afternoon. The time where I can pack up my things, leave work, and rush home to see my little peanut! Holding her and seeing her smile is certainly my reward for a long day's work! I can not begin to tell you how much we love her!
*I should note.....I truly have a new respect for working moms! I have had just a small taste in what it is like to be "on the job" for 16+ hours a day. I think about my co-workers and family members and friends who have managed this feat, somewhat effortlessly (at least in appearance) in awe. And of course, it makes me think of my own mom (hero) who not only managed to be a working mom, but she did it with two kids (angels, naturally) and she also did it while working weird hospital hours. And she did it perfectly, of course, as anyone can tell by how well adjusted and fanastic my brother and I managed to turn out (ha)!
Although we aren't quite into the groove of school days yet, I have already found some important pros and cons of leaving Josie during the day and returning to work.
The Pro's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-Josie learns to socialize with other children
-I get to socialize with other adults
-I get to stop using my "baby talk" voice all day long
-I change fewer poopy diapers
-Josie sleeps like a champ at night because she is no longer taking really long naps during the day
-Josie strengthens her immune system
-Josie and Mommy learn how to combat attachment issues (although there really weren't any on her part, yet)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional (I would guess this makes Brandon pretty happy)
The Con's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-I don't get to hang out with my little peanut all day
-sickness. I give it one week before she has one or more of the following....cold, flu, ear infection, RSV
-no more watching Ellen :(
-having to pump at work (this is tricky, especially since my office does not have a door)
-I have to do work (I know....who would have thought?)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional
In the end, even though it's hard, I think Brandon and I are currently making the best choice for our little family. I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom, but it just doesn't fit into our plans right now. Plus, I would really need a strict schedule. By the end of my maternity leave I was getting tired of just sitting around the house (and please know each day included the constant care of a child, house cleaning, laundry, and general food prep for dinner....so there was not a whole lot of "sitting" going on). Although I do not consider myself to be "organized" by any means, the past 3 months taught me that I need some sort of structure in my day to day life, otherwise....it all goes to heck in a hand basket (and I wear sweat pants all day long)!
So far the schedule of balancing baby and work has been pretty rigid. Each morning I try to figure out how to get up, shower, and ready for work before I wake her up. Once she's up I have to get her fed and ready to go. Thankfully (starting this morning), Brandon will be dropping Josie off at school each day. This will help me keep my morning somewhat sane. Then I head off to work, where I have to occasionally take a 15-30 minute break to pump. Then I pick Josie up from daycare. We go home, she eats, we eat, bath time, more Josie eating, baby bed time, bottle making time (from the day's pumping) and then bedtime for Brandon and I! Somewhere in there we manage to have a conversation or two, maybe even a kiss hello or good night, and a 3am feeding! I know working moms have been making it happen for years and years, we just have to find our routine! It's somewhat exhausting (and it's only the first week) but I keep telling myself how great it will be to have Josie all to ourselves this weekend. This mama is definitely "working for the weekend".
Hopefully we will continue to see the pro's of our decision outweigh the con's. Hopefully I can keep the guilt of dropping my child off with "strangers" each day at bay. I look forward to what the future holds for Miss Josie, especially as she develops new skills and learns at school! But, mostly, right now....I look forward to 5pm each afternoon. The time where I can pack up my things, leave work, and rush home to see my little peanut! Holding her and seeing her smile is certainly my reward for a long day's work! I can not begin to tell you how much we love her!
*I should note.....I truly have a new respect for working moms! I have had just a small taste in what it is like to be "on the job" for 16+ hours a day. I think about my co-workers and family members and friends who have managed this feat, somewhat effortlessly (at least in appearance) in awe. And of course, it makes me think of my own mom (hero) who not only managed to be a working mom, but she did it with two kids (angels, naturally) and she also did it while working weird hospital hours. And she did it perfectly, of course, as anyone can tell by how well adjusted and fanastic my brother and I managed to turn out (ha)!
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