Our answers.....

This blog was written many months ago...and held onto. I have updated it, obviously, along the way. But here is a very small peek into the struggle our hearts have felt for the past months!

I have known since I was a very little girl that I wanted to be a mother some day. Growing up I wanted lots of kids. As a young woman in high school and even college I always said I wanted 7 kids by Jackie Chan (why him? Umm hello...it's Jackie Chan) Having a large family is a dream I have had most of my life, much like many women. As Brandon and I approached this point in our lives we agreed to disagree on the number of children we would have. He wants 2, I want 3-5. We just assumed it would be something that would be worked out on it's own by determining our personal abilities to be parents (like that matters), our financial situations, and how much we even liked our kids (haha).

I guess we never considered the fact that we couldn't get pregnant. There aren't little girls out there having dreams of infertility. Playing "house" where the 'wanna-be mommy and daddy' have to go see specialists just to be a parents. Thankfully as children we don't think that way. Unfortunatlely, as adults.....we don't think that way.... unless we have to.

In the back of our minds, we knew our process wouldn't be easy. We both had a feeling something wasn't exactly right. Thankfully we did not wait longer than 8 months of trying to go to the doctor and get things checked out.

So, here we are, 11 months into trying to conceive. Eleven months...it does not seem that long to those who struggled for years to get pregnant. But, for anyone who has had to wait, 11 months can seem like a lifetime. Each month like a personal let down. It's own little heart breaker....back to the drawing board/waiting game. This struggle isn't something I have kept to myself (although I have not blogged about it..until now). Our families and some of our friends have been through each month right by our sides. Each doctors visit and some of my tears (tears of sadness, but mostly frustration).

And here we are, 11 months of trying to conceive and we finally have some answers. I am thankful we have answers (and we must have some answers, as I promised Brandon I would not post this blog until we knew something for sure).

And here it is...The only option Brandon and I have for our own biological children is IVF ICSI. Basically...in vitro fertilization. It's a mouthful, I know. But, just knowing has brought so much relief to my heart!! Today I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time...and my grin is nearly ear to ear!

And our new journey begins. And I will have to learn to not ask "why us?" I will have to let go of the anger that I sometimes feel for the paths we have to take. This is not a set back, this is our life. This is the way it was planned for us. This is the time to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and attempt to walk with our heads high. Tears are okay, but continuing with our lives is a MUST. That, we know for sure. And we finally have our answers....