Just call me Little Joyce

Last night we got about a tenth of an inch of ice. So, naturally, this morning I went outside to "pre-heat" my car. I lightly touched my foot to the top step of our 3 brick steps on our front porch. I was feeling it out....testing the ice- as some would say. As I stepped down, my foot went flying out from under me and before I knew it I was in flight. I landed, hard, on the bottom brick step. Had I landed on my wrist or arm I can almost guarantee I would have broken a bone (again). Luckily (some would say) my large and cushy behind absorbed the impact.

This is probably one of the few times in my life I have been thankful for an extremely plump derriere. My right butt check broke my fall and I landed directly on the edge of the stair. I know I hit other parts of my body, including my back, but the screaming pain from my right cheek was hogging all the attention.

I cried...I always cry when I get hurt. So there I was.....sprawled half way in my driveway. Frozen. Because it was cold and my bottom was sitting on ice. AND because I was internally assessing the damage to my body. I had worn house slippers for my simple task. Slippers that were no where near my feet as they were now flung 4 feet from where my body lay. At first I was thankful my neighbors were not out to see it (so embarrassing). Then I was wishing someone would have seen it because I didn't know how I was going to get up. I also figured if someone had witnessed the fall, they would say "Oh my gosh, I bet that hurt", then I wouldn't feel so bad about crying.

Barefoot, crying, laying in my driveway. Hair all a mess, glasses on, in sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt. Crying. Did I mention it hurt so bad I was crying? It's no wonder we can't keep our neighbors (please see last post). I couldn't get up on my feet, because I didn't have shoes on. I tried to scoot across the ice to my shoes, but I had sat there long enough that my sweatpants were stuck to the ice. Nice. I eventually came to the decision that crawling was going to be my safest route. So I crawled on my hands and knees to my shoes.

Once back on my feet I held onto my sore butt and whimpered back into the house. I didn't even start my car. I had to regroup first. Eventually the car got started and warmed and I cautiously held my behind and side stepped across the drive way back to the safety of my garage. When I came outside to actually leave for work, I opted out of going down the steps and instead when through the flower bed and walked through the yard. No need to cause any more damage to my bum.

And, yes, I caused some damage to my bum. I have a whelp the size of a nurf football on my right butt cheek. I can hardly walk or sit down without soreness. And now, 3 1/2 hours after the accident, my bottom is already black and blue.

Ladies....if you are looking for a way to add plumpness to your derriere, just fall on ice. It will swell up really nicely. I, on the other hand, am not in the market for a larger butt (trust me), I am just lacking in grace. Just like my incredible mother, I am accident prone. A walking hazard, if you will. Just call me Little Joyce!

I love you Mama! Looks like I have inherited more than just your physical beauty and mental stamina! I, too, am an accident waiting to happen!