Just call me Little Joyce

Last night we got about a tenth of an inch of ice. So, naturally, this morning I went outside to "pre-heat" my car. I lightly touched my foot to the top step of our 3 brick steps on our front porch. I was feeling it out....testing the ice- as some would say. As I stepped down, my foot went flying out from under me and before I knew it I was in flight. I landed, hard, on the bottom brick step. Had I landed on my wrist or arm I can almost guarantee I would have broken a bone (again). Luckily (some would say) my large and cushy behind absorbed the impact.

This is probably one of the few times in my life I have been thankful for an extremely plump derriere. My right butt check broke my fall and I landed directly on the edge of the stair. I know I hit other parts of my body, including my back, but the screaming pain from my right cheek was hogging all the attention.

I cried...I always cry when I get hurt. So there I was.....sprawled half way in my driveway. Frozen. Because it was cold and my bottom was sitting on ice. AND because I was internally assessing the damage to my body. I had worn house slippers for my simple task. Slippers that were no where near my feet as they were now flung 4 feet from where my body lay. At first I was thankful my neighbors were not out to see it (so embarrassing). Then I was wishing someone would have seen it because I didn't know how I was going to get up. I also figured if someone had witnessed the fall, they would say "Oh my gosh, I bet that hurt", then I wouldn't feel so bad about crying.

Barefoot, crying, laying in my driveway. Hair all a mess, glasses on, in sweats and a long sleeve t-shirt. Crying. Did I mention it hurt so bad I was crying? It's no wonder we can't keep our neighbors (please see last post). I couldn't get up on my feet, because I didn't have shoes on. I tried to scoot across the ice to my shoes, but I had sat there long enough that my sweatpants were stuck to the ice. Nice. I eventually came to the decision that crawling was going to be my safest route. So I crawled on my hands and knees to my shoes.

Once back on my feet I held onto my sore butt and whimpered back into the house. I didn't even start my car. I had to regroup first. Eventually the car got started and warmed and I cautiously held my behind and side stepped across the drive way back to the safety of my garage. When I came outside to actually leave for work, I opted out of going down the steps and instead when through the flower bed and walked through the yard. No need to cause any more damage to my bum.

And, yes, I caused some damage to my bum. I have a whelp the size of a nurf football on my right butt cheek. I can hardly walk or sit down without soreness. And now, 3 1/2 hours after the accident, my bottom is already black and blue.

Ladies....if you are looking for a way to add plumpness to your derriere, just fall on ice. It will swell up really nicely. I, on the other hand, am not in the market for a larger butt (trust me), I am just lacking in grace. Just like my incredible mother, I am accident prone. A walking hazard, if you will. Just call me Little Joyce!

I love you Mama! Looks like I have inherited more than just your physical beauty and mental stamina! I, too, am an accident waiting to happen!

*It lived.

Brandon and I drove up to Virginia this past weekend to attend the beautiful wedding of family friends. Driving through Virginia in early October was probably one of the most pleasant drive experiences (aside from the time in the car). Interstate 81 runs parallel to rolling mountains and valleys throughout the entire ride. Although it was a little too early to catch the brilliant fall leaves, some trees were just starting to change colors. And even though we did not catch the vibrant leaves, I bet this drive is gorgeous anytime of year, through any season. Poor Brandon had to hear about it the WHOLE way, too. Every 15-30 miles I would point out a section of rolling landscape and say "Let's move there! I can see us living there!" Had it been up to me we would have been purchasing property and packing boxes before the weekend was over. Unfortunately (or..more accurately, fortunately) we do not leave the big (and spontaneous) decisions up to me.

These pictures below are from I-81. Please note I did not take these pictures, this is simply to show how gorgeous the scenery is along the interstate.







As we were tooling our way North through beautiful Virgina, Brandon and I shared our first near death experience together. Earlier in the ride we had both commented on the fact that we would probably see deer and that we needed to be cautious of any deer wandering onto the interstate. Obviously, because I just mentioned all that, we saw a deer.....on the interstate. A large buck (I think...it all happened so fast) strolled onto the right side of the interstate. He stood there for a brief moment and then darted out into the road. Naturally, I yell "BRANDON (the caps...because I am yelling)- DEER! WATCH OUT FOR THE DEER!" We were driving in the right hand lane, there was a car about 100 yards in front of us and a car about 50 yards or so in front of us in the left hand lane. The car on the right managed to miss the deer, unfortunately the car on the left, a minivan, was not so lucky. The deer RAN directly into the front passenger side of the van. Ramming it at full speed and shattering the glass and denting the passenger side door.

It looked like the deer was attacking the van, but we all know the deer did not win. Once it rammed the passenger side door the deer catapulted into the air, spun around and came down on the back driver side. Where it again had full contact, but was not actually "run over". Glass lay all across the interstate. The van quickly pulled to the side of the road. There was a passenger in that seat and he or she had a front row seat to the amazing attack. The car in front of us pulled off to ensure everyone in the van was okay.

Brandon and I watched in shock. It all happened so fast, yet seemed to move in slow motion. The deer darting across the street, the passenger side window shattering into a million pieces, and then the confused and injured deer stumbling on the side of the road. *It wondered off to the woods and out of harms way!

During this entire event Brandon and I are yelling. OH MY GOSH, WATCH OUT. CUSS WORDS, lots of CUSS WORDS. HOLY *MOLY. Screaming. Loudly. Like you do when you see something completely insane or stunning. More cuss words and finally more Oh my gosh's.

You might be thinking....So what? Deer are struck on the interstate every day. But, I failed to mention that throughout this entire ordeal, I was on the phone. Yep. I was talking to a verizon wireless representative, who had not two minutes earlier explained to me that our conversation was going to be recorded as a learning tool for the future. Needless to say my loud screaming and cussing into the phone had startled the VW representative. She was silent and I had completely forgotten I was on a phone call. Finally, she spoke in a mousy/tentative voice..."I can certainly call you back at another time." No, no..I said. This was the fifth time someone from VW had tried to reach me. I managed to avoid their calls for two weeks, we were getting this taken care of today, violent deer accident and all.

I assume she was curious at this point and asked if we were okay. I would say the loud screaming and cussing had tipped her off that something was not right. I explained the situation to her and she again offered to call back at another time. Once she was convinced I was no longer distracted by the fact that miraculously, no was injured by the outrageous events that had just occurred....she explained that she was ready to upgrade my phone plan. Wow. Really? I told her I was not interested in the upgrade she was offering. Then I proceeded to tell her she was lucky to have said events recorded, because I was sure it would be a wonderful learning tool for her co-workers in the near future. There is no doubt in my mind she was glad to have the accident on tape, too. I am certain that message was listened to by her and her co-workers....where they probably laughed and laughed at the crazy lady who lived through the deer accident and refused to get off the phone. That's life! Now please, VW, stop calling me...I do not want your upgrades or whatever it is you are trying to get me to buy.

Also, visit Virginia...it's gorgeous! Pictures from this beautiful wedding to come!

*indicated words or things that may not have necessarily true or are not known, for certain, that they are true