The serious flaws of breastfeeding (pumping to be exact).....

Have you ever actually seen anyone squeeze blood out of a turnip?  No?  Of course not.  Don't you know how hard it is to squeeze blood out of a turnip?

Well....that's sort of how I am feeling about using the breast pump these days.  I am so over it right now I could scream.  Don't get me wrong....I love nursing the baby.  I love that bonding time we have together and I especially love all of the good things that her body gets from my milk.  I also love that breastfeeding is free and oddly enough, I love those middle of the night feedings where she sleepily wraps her little hand around my arm while she nurses (seriously...melts my heart).  I don't, however, love having to lug my pump to and from work each day.  I don't love having to take a minimum of 30 minutes out of my day to go pump, in a room that is not my office and barely private.  Also....it's cold when the A/C is on!

I especially don't love those days where I swear I pump for 20+ minutes and only get 3 ounces.  I wish I could understand the reasoning behind mysterious pumping sessions, but I cannot.  Some days I only pump for 15 minutes and end up with 8-10 ounces.  Some days it's like trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip and all I want to do is throw a fit in the conference room floor (this is my "not so private or personal" lactation space).  And yes, I realize the saying "squeeze blood out of a turnip" is not being used in proper context, but this blog is honestly anything BUT proper. 

This is just so frustrating.  As of right now I send the baby to school with two breast milk bottles and one formula bottle.  My body should be producing enough milk that I can send her with 3 breast milk bottles each day, but, apparently, it refuses to cooperate.  And it seems like each day my milk production goes down little by little.  This week I am struggling just to come up with enough milk to send two bottles.  I fear that if I send her with anymore formula she may revolt and turn that school upside down, because BOY does she HATE formula. 

Am I doing something wrong?  I realize there actually is a breast feeding handbook, so I cannot use the excuse that breastfeeding doesn't come with a handbook.  But, I am much too lazy to read this book, also....it sounds really boring.  Maybe someone out there has a better idea of what to do?  Or maybe this is just how it goes for some women.  Maybe, for us, I won't be the one deciding when it's time to stop breastfeeding, maybe my body will make that decision for me.  Geez...who knows....

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  I need a village of lactating women!  Anyone know where I can find this PARTICULAR village?

Clearly she's advanced

Parenthood = the land where the simplest of tasks become bitter sweet.

She's growing!  And just like everyone who has ever raised a child has declared, she is indeed growing too quickly.

Just today I packed up more of her 3 month clothing.  The pants she has been wearing since she was about 8 weeks old now resemble carpi's on her little baby legs.  I realize she is nearly 5 months old, so the shock of her not fitting into her 3 month pants wore off fairly quickly, but it's still hard to believe! 

She is a rolling machine!  She now rolls all over the place when on the floor. Sometimes right after I lay her down on her back I will look back and find her like this........

And yes, she is always so proud of herself!  Her rolling has gotten frequent enough that we had to remove the bumpers from her crib. 

It's just crib bumpers and 3 month pants, but it's these constant reminders that our little peanut is growing!  She isn't just growing, she's thriving and learning and developing cool new skills (even if it is just rolling over).  Although we realize these milestones are tiny in the big scheme of her journey in life, they are bittersweet for us.  Because this adorable little peanut will only be this little for so long.  Soon she'll be crawling, and walking, and talking (and since she is so obviously advanced in the world of infants I am sure these skills will come along very soon)!

I never want to forget these days, yet I can't wait to see what each new day holds for her!  I am so grateful to call myself her Mommy, because she is truly amazing! 


Yep.............
CLEARLY she's advanced (at least in hand gestures and hair)!

Chicago photo dump.....

Obviously I have been a terrible blogger lately.  Between work and an infant baby and training for the upcoming half marathon in Nashville at the end of April.....I have plenty of excuses.  So just pick the excuse that makes you feel the best and makes me look the least like a slacker! 

I survived the trip to Indiana and Chicago for St. Paddy's Day.  It was a tough weekend (being away from the peanut) but we had so much fun romping around the city and spending time with some great friends.  Here are just a few of the pictures I took in Chicago......

Am I insane?

I can hardly believe it.  I must be out of my mind.
But...

This weekend I am leaving this sweet face....

In the care of this man.....

To go here.....

But, since it will be St. Patrick's Day, it will look more like this....

Let's hope this doesn't happen......

This weekend a couple of friends and I are packing our bags and heading up to Indiana to spent some time with our friends the Tyree's.  While there, we plan to scoot on over to Chicago on Saturday for a little St. Patty's Day festivities!  I am starting to think I might be crazy running off to IN for a long weekend and leaving behind my sweet 4 month old Peanut.  But, contrary to the above picture, my sweet husband is very capable and willing and I know Peanut will be in good hands.  Although I may sob half the way up 75-North. 

And although it will be tough, I would be telling a BOLD FACED lie if I didn't admit to being totally pumped about not only celebrating St. Patty's Day with some great friends, but also celebrating in the beautiful city of Chicago! 

This will be a weekend of many firsts!  And as long as we all survive, without criminal records, it should be lots of fun!





Overly Obvious Survey

MSN's home page this morning is showing a tab called "10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom".  Here are those 10 things:

1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.
2. I suppose it's smart that you're working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.
3. I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful;
4. It's cute when they call your nanny "Mama."
5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.
6. Did you see Dateline? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?
7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that's just me!
8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else's mom.
9. You must feel so guilty.
10. I wish I were as laid-back as you and could just let the housework go.


People don't really say these things, do they? It's like that myth that strangers will constantly want to touch your pregnant belly.  I never had a single stranger approach me with outstretched germ infested, stranger hands (although that may be more of a testament to my "don't you dare" stare and facial disapproval).  So truthfully, are people really stupid enough to say these things?  And if so, isn't it a little less frowned upon in the judicial system to attack stupid people?  I mean come on?  Can a judge really side with an idiot?  In the event someone should say one of these things to me, let's hope not.

I really love #2!  And just to rub a little salt in that open, festering wound of guilt and sadness working moms naturally harbor, #4 and #5 are particularly fabulous.  Truthfully all of these come across like a swift kick to the groin, which makes me think no one in their right mind is really dense enough to say them.

If you see these phrases and think "I have said something similar to this in the past to the working mom I know" and you didn't get socked in the jaw (be thankful), just be aware that these are completely inappropriate and 100% out of line.  Also know, if you say them to me, you better have a fight or flight reflect or be really good at "duck and cover".  Because best case scenario you will get the tongue lashing (and not the good kind) of a life time and worst case scenario....it gets ugly.

Learning the life of a working mom

I started back to work on Monday morning, which means Josie started daycare (which from this point forward will be referred to as "school").  I thought for sure I would be the mom they have to escort out to the parking lot for upsetting the other children with loud sobs and sloppy wailing.  I was wrong.  I plopped Josie down in a Boppy and she was laughing and giggling before I could even stand up.  She was perfectly fine....and as it turned out, so was I.  Although I will tell  you I rushed to pick her up that afternoon and was so happy to hold her in my arms. 

Although we aren't quite into the groove of school days yet, I have already found some important pros and cons of leaving Josie during the day and returning to work. 

The Pro's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-Josie learns to socialize with other children
-I get to socialize with other adults
-I get to stop using my "baby talk" voice all day long
-I change fewer poopy diapers
-Josie sleeps like a champ at night because she is no longer taking really long naps during the day
-Josie strengthens her immune system
-Josie and Mommy learn how to combat attachment issues (although there really weren't any on her part, yet)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional (I would guess this makes Brandon pretty happy)


The Con's of Josie going to school/Mommy going to work:
-I don't get to hang out with my little peanut all day
-sickness.  I give it one week before she has one or more of the following....cold, flu, ear infection, RSV
-no more watching Ellen :(
-having to pump at work (this is tricky, especially since my office does not have a door)
-I have to do work (I know....who would have thought?)
-Mommy has to shower daily and look professional

In the end, even though it's hard, I think Brandon and I are currently making the best choice for our little family.  I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom, but it just doesn't fit into our plans right now.  Plus, I would really need a strict schedule.  By the end of my maternity leave I was getting tired of just sitting around the house (and please know each day included the constant care of a child, house cleaning, laundry, and general food prep for dinner....so there was not a whole lot of "sitting" going on).  Although I do not consider myself to be "organized" by any means, the past 3 months taught me that I need some sort of structure in my day to day life, otherwise....it all goes to heck in a hand basket (and I wear sweat pants all day long)! 

So far the schedule of balancing baby and work has been pretty rigid.  Each morning I try to figure out how to get up, shower, and ready for work before I wake her up.  Once she's up I have to get her fed and ready to go.  Thankfully (starting this morning), Brandon will be dropping Josie off at school each day.  This will help me keep my morning somewhat sane.  Then I head off to work, where I have to occasionally take a 15-30 minute break to pump.  Then I pick Josie up from daycare.  We go home, she eats, we eat, bath time, more Josie eating, baby bed time, bottle making time (from the day's pumping) and then bedtime for Brandon and I!  Somewhere in there we manage to have a conversation or two, maybe even a kiss hello or good night, and a 3am feeding!  I know working moms have been making it happen for years and years, we just have to find our routine! It's somewhat exhausting (and it's only the first week) but I keep telling myself how great it will be to have Josie all to ourselves this weekend.  This mama is definitely "working for the weekend". 

Hopefully we will continue to see the pro's of our decision outweigh the con's.  Hopefully I can keep the guilt of dropping my child off with "strangers" each day at bay.  I look forward to what the future holds for Miss Josie, especially as she develops new skills and learns at school!  But, mostly, right now....I look forward to 5pm each afternoon. The time where I can pack up my things, leave work, and rush home to see my little peanut!  Holding her and seeing her smile is certainly my reward for a long day's work!  I can not begin to tell you how much we love her! 

*I should note.....I truly have a new respect for working moms!  I have had just a small taste in what it is like to be "on the job" for 16+ hours a day.  I think about my co-workers and family members and friends who have managed this feat, somewhat effortlessly (at least in appearance) in awe.  And of course, it makes me think of my own mom (hero) who not only managed to be a working mom, but she did it with two kids (angels, naturally) and she also did it while working weird hospital hours.  And she did it perfectly, of course, as anyone can tell by how well adjusted and fanastic my brother and I managed to turn out (ha)!

Say it ain't so.....

I had a major scare today with the baby.....

Each day I try to put aside at least an hour to truly educate myself on current events, worldly matters and the economic/political crisis going on in this country.  This one hour period is commonly known around my house as The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  Seriously.....is there any better way to spend an hour each morning?  No.  There is not.

Today, as I was catching up on worldly matters Josie was getting upset.  I started to notice a pattern in her crankiness and the pattern was terribly alarming.  It seemed as though Josie was calm and easily soothed during each and every commercial break, but crying dramatically each time the show came back on.  Oh Lord, please say it ain't so?!  Is it possible my child may not like Ellen?  This may not even be my child.  Could she have gotten switched at the hospital with another newborn with more personality?? 

This is a picture of Josie during a commercial break.  Somewhat content.  I know what you are thinking, a baby with this kind of hair already has tons of personality.  You are correct.....she truly does.

And here she is once Ellen was back on.  Although she was not crying when this picture was taken (it's hard to take a photo of her when she cries as she tends to squirm) you can see the furrow of the brow, which leads quickly to tears.

We had a scare very similar to this about a month ago when we were in the car.  She cried through an entire Journey song and I nearly turned the car around and headed straight to the hospital to demand my "true" daughter. 

A daughter who doesn't like Ellen or Journey?  How will we ever share interests or conduct conversations?  Is this even possible?  Do we even share the same DNA?  I have a lot of work ahead of me to teach her the fine things in life.  We will start tomorrow with an hour of current events and hot topics, followed by an hour of musical education.

Who knows.....maybe it was just gas.