Not right now.......

"Unanswered Prayers".......that was the topic of our sermon at church yesterday. My first thought was- Oh my..can I relate to that? I think we can all relate to this sermon. My second thought was- I knew I should have brought tissues.

The sermon went a little like this (I will paraphrase, mostly because I only remember certain things).....

When thinking about unanswered prayers, to make things a little easier they are categorized into three sections. First, there are prayers where the answer is simply "no". Sometimes we pray for things that we just can't have. Sometimes the answer is no and although we don't realize it, it's for our own good. Sometimes we just pray for silly things. Can you imagine what this world would be like if every prayer was answered? (I would be married to Luke Perry, or who ever I wanted to marry in Middle and High School) We will never understand why some prayers are answered and some are not, we just have to trust in the will and plan of God.

Some prayers are answered with a "not right now". This is a tough one, as just when you think the prayer is going unnoticed, you may get your answer. Our timing is not necessarily the RIGHT timing, but His timing is always perfect. Maybe we aren't ready for whatever we have prayed for. Maybe we can't possibly handle that particular thing at that particular moment. Not right now was the answer to my prayers for nearly two years (although I didn't know it at the time). It was the hardest thing for me to understand and grasp. I cried through this part of the sermon (it might be the pregnancy hormones, but I doubt it). It was very emotional for everyone listening and the good news is I wasn't the only one crying. I couldn't help but think about how the whole time my prayers were being heard, I just never realized it.

The last set of unanswered prayers are those with no answer at all. There is not a stern no, there is not a maybe later....there is nothing. Much like the first category, we will never understand why these prayers go without any answers. We will never be able to fully grasp what God has in store for those most affected by these prayers. We simply have to have faith that there is so much more at work than we can understand and that the overall plan is what is best for each of us. Naturally, these prayers are the hardest to handle because you feel as though your prayers aren't being heard. But, they are being heard, each and every one of them is being heard. Sometimes unanswered prayers are really blessings in disguise. We just don't usually recognize these things until much further down the road.

Brandon and I are so thankful for our (un)answered prayers. Each and every one of them. The ones that were answered with the stern NO, the ones that got the NOT RIGHT NOW, and the ones we will never understand why received no answers at all. These are the things that make our lives special and keep us living according to God's will.

Ending Radio Silence

I feel like I haven’t written anything in forever. I guess the truth is I don't have much that is blog worthy right now....At least that doesn't involve information has to wait and wait and wait to be said. I kept saying this blog wasn’t just an IVF blog, it was supposed to be about other things too, but it seems that the only things truly interesting in our lives right now revolve around IVF.

I choose to make our process very public and blog about everything that has occurred. Most people knew the day we were supposed to find out if our IVF had been successful. Family, friends, co-workers and those who read our blog (all 2 of you) followed along while we went to appointment after appointment. Once we found out whether we were pregnant or not, there would be no way of hiding our answer to those we encounter everyday. But……we have been able to keep our news off the blog. Which for me, really means radio silence…as I can’t seem to find anything else to blog about.

I have great fears about telling people about a pregnancy so early. But, what is too early? I believe ten to twelve weeks is the norm, right? But, like I have said before, nothing about this pregnancy has been normal for us. Also, I don’t think I can continue radio silence on the blog……it’s much too boring. So…today, at 7 weeks…I would like to introduce you to Baby Bice…………



We are expecting a SINGLETON (thank you God) baby due November 19, 2011. The actual baby is in between the two + signs, that blob on the top which looks like a giant head (which we will expect our child to have) is actually it's yolk sac (saying those words makes me gag). We graduated from the Fertility Specialist on Tuesday and have already started seeing my regular OB! We couldn't be happier and the doctors say everything is going perfectly so far! We got to see a beautiful and strong heartbeat and it relieved so many of my fears!

Yes....I realize it's very early (stop judging me)...but I can not (in good conscience) continue the blogging silence.

Spring has Sprung......

My gardens are full of green.....sprouting and mounding from perennials ready to pop! The weather is warming and trees that have been nothing but sticks all winter are starting to grow tiny leaves. Spring trees are in full bloom already in Knoxville. My sweet husband even had to mow our lawn today.

We love Spring in the Bice house, as I am sure most people do! Our gardens go from neglected to weekend priority number one! Just thinking about cleaning out our largest garden somewhat overwhelms me, but I know it's a task Brandon and I will have to complete sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Spring is also a runner's paradise! The weather is perfect for a nice long run. Cool to start, but comfortable by the end. Since our egg retrieval and transfer, I have yet to be cleared to run. I think it's part of the OHSS and the prolonged bloating and general hugeness of my ovaries. I have been told I can walk....for 30 minutes at a time, but only as long as I can carry on a normal conversation without getting winded. Sweet Noah and I took a nice long walk this morning (don't tell, but it was a little over 30 minutes)! It was nice to feel somewhat active! I am ready to come off injured reserves and get back in the game! But, you know what they say.....good things come to those who wait! :)

Patience

Patience has never been a trait of mine. When Brandon and I first started trying to get pregnant I could barely stand the TWW. I can't tell you how many times I took pregnancy tests, long before it was possible to even know. But, pregnancy tests are expensive, so that had to end!

I used to pray all the time for patience. I would always ask the Lord "Please teach me to be more patient" and not just in the TWW, but with co-workers and friends, and God's general plan for Brandon and I. Patience and Lauren Bice don't generally go well together in a sentence.

About 6 months ago I was at the gym in the cardio theater room watching Evan Almighty (of all movies). I had never seen it before and although I love Steve Carell and found the movie mildly entertaining....I had no idea it was about to change my outlook on patience.

At one point in the movie Steve Carell's character is questioning what God has asked him to do (build an ark) and the decisions he has made. God, played by Morgan Freeman, says this during the movie......

Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

I nearly fell off the treadmill. And I know I cried (so glad the theater room is dark)! It was exactly what I needed to hear and seemed to fit our situation perfectly. I have stopped praying for patience and instead have started praying for and embracing my opportunities to be patient. I can't say it's made me a more patient person, but it's changed my outlook on certain situations.....and given me lots of comfort. Who knew a silly movie like Evan Almighty could do that?

The Two Week Wait (TWW)

The dreaded two week wait. That time between "ovulating" (or in our case- Egg Retrieval) and finding out if you are pregnant. Over the last year and a half Brandon and I have learned to handle the TWW pretty well. Although, I won't lie...it's the longest, most awful two weeks that seem to drag on with no intention of ever ending (and yes...I am slightly exaggerating).

Thankfully our wait ends tomorrow. I go to the doctor first thing in the morning for a blood pregnancy test. I will learn the results sometime tomorrow afternoon. We are both so excited! And nervous!

Monday night and early Tuesday I started having symptoms that led me to believe this IVF procedure had NOT been successful. Thankfully the symptoms have subsided. I can honestly say I don't know what to think about this pregnancy test tomorrow. I think it could truly go either way, positive or negative.

Brandon and I have come a long way in our infertility journey. We have passed many many milestones and are honestly proud of ourselves and where we are today. We are ready for the next step (hopefully pregnancy). But, if we are not pregnant, we are ready for that, too. We are saying our prayers, crossing our fingers, and keeping our attitudes positive! Hopefully this time tomorrow.....we will be parents!

Mother Nature laughs loudest

Friday afternoon Brandon's buddy, Kevin, from back home (Chicago) arrived in Knoxville. Brandon has been like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning all week. He is so excited to have Kevin in town. It's cute.

Saturday morning Kevin gave us an update on what the weather was doing in Chicago. Thirty degrees and snowing like crazy. We all laughed. A lot. Haha...Chicago is cold and snowy. Sure....it was raining in Knoxville, but it was sixty degrees.

Mother Nature got the last laugh. This morning we woke up to huge snow flakes and cold temperatures. Maybe we shouldn't mock Mother Nature?

Little Green Men

Have you ever wondered what an embryo looked like?

Here are two pictures of our embryos.






The two with writing around them are the two embryos that were transferred back to me yesterday. Apparently those are the "good looking" embryos. We are really hoping that if they continue to grow and become our babies, some of that neon green will wear off.

Some of the other floating items in the pictures will later become our "frozen embryos". Some look better than others...and they will be the keepers. And some "look a little weird" (to quote my doctor) and will not be kept. Although, let's not kid ourselves, this wouldn't be the last time our children might be labeled as "weird looking"! :)

Today I feel good! Better than I have felt in a couple of weeks! And I am feeling hopeful and excited all over again!