Autumn Joy

What have I been doing? So much(said with big hand gestures). This is just a busy time of year for everyone (I think), and Brandon and I are definitely included in that everyone.

October is probably my favorite month of the year. Each October my brain sends a signal to my heart that summer is officially over and my body can begin to prepare for Autumn. Ahhh, sweet Autumn. Between the leaves changing colors, Starbucks pumpkin chai latte (my newest obsession...you have to ask for it by name because you won't find it on any menu-at least not here in Knoxville), and Halloween; October is packed full of my favorite things. *Sitting here at my computer I just did a little rendition of "My favorite things" from The Sound of Music, which by the way happens to be another of my favorite things.

October and Halloween are like the Gate Keepers of the Holidays. After standing in line all year long, Halloween finally ushers you to the front of the line and lets you get your foot in the door. Once inside, it's a landslide of Holiday Blur. Where time goes way too fast and before you know it you are trading in your Halloween costume for New Year's Eve party hats.
*Speaking of Halloween Costumes- Ours are going to be homemade this year and super awesome- at least for those of you with (really) open minds and (really) good senses of humor. That is your official warning. Pictures will be posted in the near future.

Halloween is my favorite holiday AND YES I CONSIDER IT A HOLIDAY. Each year I add a little extra to our decorations and agendas and hope that when we have kids, they too will enjoy scaring the neighbors and getting into this wonderful time of year.
I don't have any pictures of our decorations right now, but will add some soon.

One of our favorite October events is our Annual Pumpkin Carving Party. Each year we get our friends and family together and....bake brownies. No...we carve pumpkins (and no, the name of the party is NOT deceiving).

That's my "B" for Bice


Group shot (only missing a few at this point)


Living in East Tennessee has many year 'round benefits. Each fall we get to watch, basically from our front porch, as the mountains change colors. Taking advantage of the changing leaves is made simple by our easy access mountains.
Just 20 miles from my driveway is House Mountain. A beautiful spot to hike anytime of year, although I would not suggest going in July/August, unless you just enjoy sweating through your clothes and fighting off bugs. Last weekend I enjoyed a less sweaty and less buggy hike with a good friend and was charmed by these gorgeous mountain views.







Today, I adventured up to Max Patch right along the NC - TN state line. Although a little longer drive than last week this place is spectacular. Once you park the car it's less of a hike and more of a casual walk to see views most people only experience through books, the internet, or blogs (ahem). I am not sure I have the proper words to describe this place, so instead....I will just show you the pictures.















And finally.....some pictures from a beautiful wedding Brandon and I attended a few weeks back and our evening at the Pumpkin Patch.

Brandon and I at the VA wedding


October is also the month of my Dad's Birthday! Happy Birthday Dad! We love you! My Dad and Brandon look so handsome....


Look how cute my Mom and Dad are....












Lovely October! I am going to miss you once you go. I am a little sad about it already, but I plan to squeeze every ounce of Autumn Fabulousness out of you before Winter rolls into town. Thank you for always making me feel good and never letting me down, I certainly can't say that about Summer (I scoff at you, Summer...and I am giving you the stink eye).

Creative ways to make a baby

A friend of mine recently suggested I read the Fall 2010 edition of Conceive Magazine (yep..they have a magazine for it). She had read it while in the waiting room at the doctor's office and thought there was a story in there I could relate to.

In reality I feel like I can relate to the entire magazine. Although I was unaware of it's existence, the magazine is basically a tool for any woman thinking about having children, actively trying to have children, with children, or struggling with infertility. I qualify for each of those categories, if you count my dogs as children! And honestly, most women qualify for one or more of those categories.

During our process of "trying" to get pregnant I read every website or blog I could find regarding the matter. I learned what all the abbreviations stood for (TTC, BFN (knew this one all too well), BFP, DH, SA, AF, IVF ICSI, IUI,etc, etc). I went to babycenter.com, a helpful tool for women. This site helps to track all those lovely ovulation "patterns" and gives you every early pregnancy symptom you can imagine. They even have an open discussion section for women who are TTC- Trying to Conceive. In the beginning I went to this site often. I stayed glued to the early symptoms and other women's accounts of what did or did not happen to them early in the process.

I became very aware of what the struggle of TTC can do to a person. Not only did I see major changes in myself, but I read about these women who obsessed that every little twinge could possibly spell out pregnancy. Initially I thought they were crazy. I thought to myself..."When I get pregnant, I will know. It won't be a guessing game or a early symptom checker...it will be obvious". But, as time went on and we continued to be crushed by our BFN's, I, too, found myself praying each little thing might mean we got pregnant. Eventually I had to say goodbye to babycenter, vowing to not revisit until we were indeed pregnant (because they can tell you each week what you baby looks like and how it is developing..it's really awesome).

Anyway...(I really got off topic)- I read through this magazine and could relate to most stories. Women who are struggling to get pregnant. Women who feel like they are failing at something that is supposed to be fun and easy. Women who get naturally envious about others who are getting pregnant, then feel completely guilty and awful for feeling that way. Women fighting the anger and sadness of not getting pregnant, both openly and behind closed doors. And finally, families struggling to find the financial means to have the children they have wanted for so long.

The final story in the magazine was like reading about my own life. It was a couple who, after TTC for nearly two years, learned that IVF was their only option. Everything was the same, even the reason for infertility. I felt like I knew this woman just by reading 10 paragraphs about her life. I felt like I should pick up the phone and call her and say "I know. I know what you experienced. I'm sorry." When this family learned that IVF was their only option, they didn't sit around and cry about it (for very long). Instead, they started a website to share their story and struggles with others suffering from the same problems. They decided to take donations to fund their procedure. The goal was to get anyone who visited the website to donate $1 to their cause. They hoped to get 20,000 visitors who were willing to donate! After one year of receiving donations and saving money on their end, the couple was able to have the procedure! It was successful! And less than a year later, they welcomed a beautiful, healthy little girl! The best part about this story was it's happy ending.

Don't worry. We don't plan to ask for any donations from readers. For a few very simple reasons-
1). I only have about 5 readers (if that) and that would require a very substantial donation from each of you.
2). Most of my readers are my friends....and I already know where you stand financially, it might be best for you to hang on to that money! Haha!
3). Brandon and I are confident we will have what we need to get started early 2011.

I just thought it was really inspiring to see a couple be so creative with their situation. Sometimes it seems silly for me to be upset over this process and then I read stories like these. It is such a nice reminder that it's okay to be sad and and angry sometimes. And it's okay to sulk (a little). And even though I hate it more than anything right now, it's okay to have some envy. Best of all, it's okay to continue to dream and hope that things will work out for the best. I try to remind myself that it could be worse. We haven't been told "it's not possible" and I am thankful for this every day. I hope this time next year I will be writing about our happy ending. And maybe, someone else struggling with the same issue will find comfort in our story.

*It lived.

Brandon and I drove up to Virginia this past weekend to attend the beautiful wedding of family friends. Driving through Virginia in early October was probably one of the most pleasant drive experiences (aside from the time in the car). Interstate 81 runs parallel to rolling mountains and valleys throughout the entire ride. Although it was a little too early to catch the brilliant fall leaves, some trees were just starting to change colors. And even though we did not catch the vibrant leaves, I bet this drive is gorgeous anytime of year, through any season. Poor Brandon had to hear about it the WHOLE way, too. Every 15-30 miles I would point out a section of rolling landscape and say "Let's move there! I can see us living there!" Had it been up to me we would have been purchasing property and packing boxes before the weekend was over. Unfortunately (or..more accurately, fortunately) we do not leave the big (and spontaneous) decisions up to me.

These pictures below are from I-81. Please note I did not take these pictures, this is simply to show how gorgeous the scenery is along the interstate.







As we were tooling our way North through beautiful Virgina, Brandon and I shared our first near death experience together. Earlier in the ride we had both commented on the fact that we would probably see deer and that we needed to be cautious of any deer wandering onto the interstate. Obviously, because I just mentioned all that, we saw a deer.....on the interstate. A large buck (I think...it all happened so fast) strolled onto the right side of the interstate. He stood there for a brief moment and then darted out into the road. Naturally, I yell "BRANDON (the caps...because I am yelling)- DEER! WATCH OUT FOR THE DEER!" We were driving in the right hand lane, there was a car about 100 yards in front of us and a car about 50 yards or so in front of us in the left hand lane. The car on the right managed to miss the deer, unfortunately the car on the left, a minivan, was not so lucky. The deer RAN directly into the front passenger side of the van. Ramming it at full speed and shattering the glass and denting the passenger side door.

It looked like the deer was attacking the van, but we all know the deer did not win. Once it rammed the passenger side door the deer catapulted into the air, spun around and came down on the back driver side. Where it again had full contact, but was not actually "run over". Glass lay all across the interstate. The van quickly pulled to the side of the road. There was a passenger in that seat and he or she had a front row seat to the amazing attack. The car in front of us pulled off to ensure everyone in the van was okay.

Brandon and I watched in shock. It all happened so fast, yet seemed to move in slow motion. The deer darting across the street, the passenger side window shattering into a million pieces, and then the confused and injured deer stumbling on the side of the road. *It wondered off to the woods and out of harms way!

During this entire event Brandon and I are yelling. OH MY GOSH, WATCH OUT. CUSS WORDS, lots of CUSS WORDS. HOLY *MOLY. Screaming. Loudly. Like you do when you see something completely insane or stunning. More cuss words and finally more Oh my gosh's.

You might be thinking....So what? Deer are struck on the interstate every day. But, I failed to mention that throughout this entire ordeal, I was on the phone. Yep. I was talking to a verizon wireless representative, who had not two minutes earlier explained to me that our conversation was going to be recorded as a learning tool for the future. Needless to say my loud screaming and cussing into the phone had startled the VW representative. She was silent and I had completely forgotten I was on a phone call. Finally, she spoke in a mousy/tentative voice..."I can certainly call you back at another time." No, no..I said. This was the fifth time someone from VW had tried to reach me. I managed to avoid their calls for two weeks, we were getting this taken care of today, violent deer accident and all.

I assume she was curious at this point and asked if we were okay. I would say the loud screaming and cussing had tipped her off that something was not right. I explained the situation to her and she again offered to call back at another time. Once she was convinced I was no longer distracted by the fact that miraculously, no was injured by the outrageous events that had just occurred....she explained that she was ready to upgrade my phone plan. Wow. Really? I told her I was not interested in the upgrade she was offering. Then I proceeded to tell her she was lucky to have said events recorded, because I was sure it would be a wonderful learning tool for her co-workers in the near future. There is no doubt in my mind she was glad to have the accident on tape, too. I am certain that message was listened to by her and her co-workers....where they probably laughed and laughed at the crazy lady who lived through the deer accident and refused to get off the phone. That's life! Now please, VW, stop calling me...I do not want your upgrades or whatever it is you are trying to get me to buy.

Also, visit Virginia...it's gorgeous! Pictures from this beautiful wedding to come!

*indicated words or things that may not have necessarily true or are not known, for certain, that they are true

Sign me up for the neighborhood watch....

This week Brandon and I had new floors put in the house. Out with the carpet (thank you, Lord) and in with the hardwood floors (actually laminate, but you truly would not know the difference). We have had workers in our house since Monday and have been living under a new found layer of dust. I say new because it simply settled onto of the "old" layer that has been sitting there since the last time I dusted. And no one really knows when that occurred (or IF it ever occurred).

All day yesterday I was pumping myself up for a night of relaxation. I made a plan for when I arrived home from work. That plan included:
1. run the dogs for 5-10 minutes (it's hot out...they can't take much more than that)
2. Clean the kitchen table, coffee table, chairs (both the new and old dust)and put them back in their regular spots.
3. change into pajamas within 20 minutes of arriving home from work (I had planned to work fast)
4. drink a minimum of 2 glasses of wine (the real plan starts here)
5. feel free to skip steps 1-2 and go directly to step 3

As I sped home in anticipation of running my dogs and cleaning the house (right)... I pulled into the neighborhood only to see my dreaded obstacle.... It read like this-
"Neighborhood meeting, tonight at the pond, 6:30PM"

NOOOOOOOOOOO....*breathe* Noooooooooooo. Maybe everyone feels this way about HOA meetings? Maybe just the people in my neighborhood? We don't have an established HOA (yet) and it's total chaos. For me, it's funny to watch, but I am sure some homeowners find it frustrating and obnoxious. Before I moved in with Brandon there was an apparent fist fight (or close to it) at one the meetings. I am not going to lie....I go to the meetings in hopes of a repeat performance, and I go home a little disappointed when it never happens (fingers crossed for future meetings). Although I don't get too hot and bothered by these meetings, I was not pleased to find my evening activities would be interrupted by overly serious homeowners.

I am a creative girl, if nothing else (total lie), so I felt the need to somehow intertwine my scheduled and unscheduled events. And by creative girl, I mean classically tacky. I like the expression classically tacky because I feel like with me, these two words might possibly fit. Although in reality I am aware they should never be in the same sentence together. In record time I accomplished steps 1 and 2 on my list. In an attempt to uphold the "classic" part of my classically tacky, I skipped step 3. No one needs to see me in my pajamas. Classic.

In good ole tacky fashion I poured a glass of wine into a paper "to go" cup and marched my happy butt right to the meeting. Yep...that's me, drinking a cup of wine and heckling (under my breath) those neighbors who are now arguing with each other. At first I was worried my neighbors would be judging me and my decision to drink and laugh at them. Then I realized...if they know me or have ever met me or even seen me...chances are pretty good they have already judged me. I look poor...what can I say? It happens. But...I was quickly delighted to find people applauding (not really) my choice to bring booze. One guys said "I am missing happy hour for this?" Amateur. To which I proudly replied "I brought mine with me!" Ahh...jealously all around. Or at least that's the story I am sticking with. The good news is when the cup was empty...it was time to go! And believe it or not, they didn't vote me onto the HOA board. Shocker, right? Mission accomplished!

*I have to laugh at myself because I spelled classically wrong every time I typed it. Classic.

He has many names.....

Some might include, but are not limited to:
Noah-Bear, Big Boy, Handsome, Big Guy, Noah-Gene, Noah-puppy, Bubba (one of my favorites), and of course Buddy (doesn't every dog go by this at one point or another). He is Noah. My sweet love. He is such a good boy! There is not a single day that goes by that I don't give thanks for him.

Some people can't say this about their dogs, but I met Noah when he was only 1 day old. He was like a pink piglet. Eyes closed, pink nose, pinkish hued skin....he simply made grunt-y noises. He was one of eleven in the litter. And he was HUGE. From day one he out weighted his brothers and sister, quite substantially. The day we took Noah home he was obviously the OPPOSITE of the runt....so fat his little belly was only millimeters from dragging the ground. A sight that was honestly too cute not to take in! He was my boy from very early on. I loved him even before I brought him home. After he was born I went to see him at least once every two weeks (if not more...it was hard to stay away). I got to watch him grow with his litter mates as they learned to walk (stumble) and bark (squeak). Within a few weeks Noah sweet little pink nose started to speckle black. And as he got older (and cuter) it was harder and harder to leave him.



When I first got Noah I will admit there was some initial hesitation in bringing home a pit bull. It's always easier to believe what you hear and see in the media than to live the experience and make your own judgement. Any trepidation I may have had faded within the first day. And if you have met him, whether he was young or old, than you already know his sweet demeanor will quickly take you in.



I wish I could say Noah's training was the result of my own blood, sweat, and tears....but I can't (at least not initially). Although I can say his continued good behavior and the maintenance and (occasional) adjustments to his training are something I am proud of. He has never needed much training...as he is the smartest dog in the world (really). And he is just plain GOOD!



We run together and he minds me! We walk and he doesn't drag me down the street, although the occasional squirrel has gotten him into trouble! He LOVES to swim and does it with NO grace what so ever (the complete opposite of his sister, who I swear is part otter). Noah's toy of choice is his Frisbee. He is an amazing Frisbee dog and would play all day every day if we let him.





Why get so mushy-gushy about Noah? This Friday, September 17th, my sweet boy will celebrate his 6th birthday. Although he is completely UN-aware of this event, it has me reflecting on the quality of life he has given me. He has made my life a better place! Dogs are not lucky to have us, we are lucky to have them! Somewhere along the way I came across the following words, known as the "Pit Bull Mantra"-

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.

You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart.

You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

Happy Birthday Sweet Noah! We hope this life will give you many many more birthdays to share with us! We are graced with your sweetness everyday! We love you more than treats or walks or toys could ever tell.....We just hope you know how much that is!!









You're a good boy! Thank you for being my Bubba!

Your perfection makes me gag

My life is a mess. That's not a statement about recent events or emotions. That is not some dramatic claim that is describing circumstances. My life is a mess....it's just a given. It's always been that way, always will be and I do not try to make it seem any different (at least not to my knowledge).

I love love love to read blogs. I swear it's an addiction. But, I have serious issues with blogs where "everything is rosey". I read one blog in particular where things are ALWAYS perfect! Always! The kids never get in trouble or throw all-out tantrums. The adults never have bad days or fight with their spouses. There always seems to be some well thought out lesson about not taking moments for granted...blah blah blah. I write posts like that....some times. But not every single time. I can not even read this particular blog anymore....now I just look at the pretty pictures, which are also perfect!

It's okay to have a bad day or a mental breakdown. It's okay to get pissed off and yell or have to put the little ones in time out. It's human. You are human (I am not....I am super human). Be human, not fake! Be real.

But, please don't stop taking pretty pictures!

I like roller coasters...

The mixture of excitement and nervousness has me rolled into a big ball of giddy. I feel like a child on Christmas morning (honestly). Brandon and I have experienced all of the major emotions that go along with attempting to get pregnant, finding out there is an issue, and the waiting and guessing that goes along with finding a solution. It's like we have been on some crazy baby roller coaster. We are both ready for that rush..and the feeling of our stomachs dropping long before our bodies do as we scream down the hill. But right now, we are making the steady climb and our car is slowly clicking up the big hill. One click at a time we get closer to the top, and our excitement is building up with each click.

Tomorrow we have our consultation/introductory meeting with our IVF specialist. We will learn (hopefully) what is in store for us in the coming months. We will learn what to expect both physically and financially, and what our possible outcomes may be (obviously, we really hope all of this leads to a baby). I have been waiting for this appointment for months. Seriously....MONTHS...just to find out some details. We won't even begin our "process" until next year, but there is something so soothing about having answers. They may not be ALL the answer, but SOME...that's enough for now.

I absolutely can not wait. Tomorrow will be a milestone for us! A relief for me (regardless of what we learn) and the beginning of something so new and long awaited for our little family. And when we do finally reach the top of our hill and our roller coaster starts to plummet downward like a speeding bullet....I will have my hands in the air and my eyes open. I plan to drink in every second. I don't want to miss a thing!

UPDATE: The excited nervousness has turned into nerves alone. I will be leaving the office in 30 minutes and all of a sudden the nerves are hitting hard. It's weird to me that I am feeling mixed emotions..and not the ones I expected. Right now, I am scared and feel like crying (I think that's just the nerves). Fingers crossed for something we can handle.....