Little Green Men

Have you ever wondered what an embryo looked like?

Here are two pictures of our embryos.






The two with writing around them are the two embryos that were transferred back to me yesterday. Apparently those are the "good looking" embryos. We are really hoping that if they continue to grow and become our babies, some of that neon green will wear off.

Some of the other floating items in the pictures will later become our "frozen embryos". Some look better than others...and they will be the keepers. And some "look a little weird" (to quote my doctor) and will not be kept. Although, let's not kid ourselves, this wouldn't be the last time our children might be labeled as "weird looking"! :)

Today I feel good! Better than I have felt in a couple of weeks! And I am feeling hopeful and excited all over again!

Embryo Transfer

Since our retrieval last Wednesday, Brandon and I have both felt as though our bodies have been put through the ringer. Sore, uncomfortable, and sick. I knew I was in for trouble when my doctor called on Thursday and said "are you having any trouble breathing yet?" and then again on Friday when I told her I felt much better that day than the previous two days and she said "Don't get used to it, it's only going to get worse." I appreciated her honesty a lot less when I found myself "worse" Saturday and Sunday. No one can prepare you for the pain and bloating and discomfort that come after an egg retrieval. And apparently, when you have large ovaries like mine, the pain is even worse. I have spent the past three days in bed. Constantly fighting the nausea and vomiting and praying that I don't hiccup, because each time I do, it feels like my insides suffer a violent whiplash. Thankfully today I did feel a little better. Still bloated internally (so much so that I can't fit into clothing), but less pain. Sweet Brandon spent the weekend waiting on me, cleaning the house, preparing meals, and doing laundry. Maybe I should be sick more often.

Today we went back to the doctor and they transferred two embryos to my body. We are so excited. I had a small prayer and pep-talk with the embryos prior to transfer, so I am pretty sure they were aware of the game plan. It was uncomfortable, to say the least.....but it is over. As it turns out we do not think we will have quite as many embryos to freeze and we had initially hoped. It looks like we will be freezing 2-4. Brandon and I are both really happy with that number. We both feel like surely somewhere in these 4-6 embryos we can get a baby. I, too, am over joyed to have a couple to freeze, because I can honestly say, without a doubt, I would NEVER do an egg retrieval again (we wouldn't have to go through the whole egg retrieval process again to use frozen embryos).

I kept asking Brandon why we didn't know this process was so painful. People should really talk about it. It freaking hurts......bad. So, there you go, beware to those gearing up for the egg retrieval. Ask your doctor ahead of time what to expect, how many days to expect to take off work, how to relieve pain and the best ways to get through it. I was told today to expect a couple more weeks of bloating....WHAT? We just had no idea what we were in store for. It's not that we wouldn't have done it...we really didn't have a choice. But, maybe if I was better mentally prepared it would have been easier? But, who knows, maybe it would have been worse? All I know is that I am glad to be through the retrieval and now the transfer. We are keeping our fingers crossed for smooth sailing from this point on.

So now we just wait. Something Brandon and I have learned to do well. We will have a blood pregnancy test on 3/10 to determine if either of these little guys hung in there. And, then, we go from there.

Thanks to all of you for the warm thoughts and prayers. Every single one has helped, I promise.

**** PLEASE NOTE- the reason I was in so much pain after my egg retrieval is because I suffered from Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. There are lots of women who have this procedure and don't have OHSS who have very few pains or aches after the fact! (Just didn't want to freak anyone out)****

Nearly a dozen....

Wednesday morning Brandon and I were up and going early. We both had our retrievals scheduled and everything went well. Brandon and I are both terribly sore. We are walking so gingerly you may mistake us for the elderly. The discomfort that I am feeling can not be compared to any discomfort I have had before, as I have never felt anything quite like it. And Brandon's discomfort isn't much better.

Thankfully, after talking with our doctor yesterday, the pain has been completely worthwhile. We learned that the doctor retrieved 18 eggs from my ovaries. Of those 18 eggs, 12 were considered "mature" and could be used in the fertilization process. They attempted to fertilize 12 eggs and 10 successfully fertilized! There it is......10 fertilized eggs. 10 chances at having a baby Bice.

Brandon and I are so excited! There is such a huge sense of relief that has swept over the both of us. Although we both feel very positive about our transfer, if for some reason it doesn't work the first time, we feel truly blessed to have at least 7 or 8 potential frozen embryos that was can work with in the future.

Our first transfer attempt will be on Monday! We are keeping our fingers crossed and our thoughts positive as we go into what could be our first pregnancy!

To grill....or not to grill?

There is no question, in Brandon's book.

Last weekend we bought a new grill. It looks like this....



It's a combination Gas and Charcoal grill. My sweet husband is on Cloud Nine. We have grilled more in the past week than all winter long. Brandon is currently grilling everything in our refrigerator and pantry. I had to cut him off when I heard him talking about prepping the pizza for the grill.

We are both happy to re-welcome charcoal grilling to our home. And I am happy my husband is thrilled to man the new grill. The way I see it, it's win win for me. The more grill meals I plan, the less I have to think about "what's for dinner". Plus, I benefit by getting to eat deliciously grilled food. Yay me. And finally....when does anyone ever complain about eating steak three nights a week for dinner?

Expecting the Unexpected......

Just a quick blog to discuss some of the "interesting" things at come along with IVF. These are they things they don't tell you about in the IVF books. Or maybe they do.....I haven't read a single IVF book (maybe I should?).

One of the first things that really surprised me was how crumby all the medications made me feel. Although the shots do not appear to have any real side effect, the combination of birth control and metformin left me nauseous yet starving, yet not able to name a single item of food I wanted to eat. I was told my symptoms were similar to morning sickness of a pregnant woman, minus the pregnancy.

When our doctor told me I had to stop all physical activity I was shocked. No running, no cardio, no weight lifting classes. NO PHYSICAL ACTIVITY....aside from walking (*wahoo). Although I assumed I would have to take it easy directly after the retrieval and leading up to the transfer, I had no idea it would be necessary for me to stop activity over a week before the procedure.

The reason I can't do any activities is also my third unexpected thing about IVF. My ovaries get huge. "Like cannonballs," says my fertility doctor. Apparently, as we make as many eggs as we can, my ovaries get full and heavy. Any physical activity can actually make the cannonballs (ovaries) twist...which could lead to problems. Aside from potential of twisting, I can actually feel the fullness in my abdomen and pelvic area. The dr. says it will only get worse over the next week and a half and approximately one week after the retrieval it could be at it's worst. Causing discomfort, bloating, heaviness, nausea, and difficulty breathing. When the ovaries have no where to go, they push up....causing these symptoms. I feel the heaviness already and *can't wait to feel their full potential.

*sarcasm

Eggs anyone?

Today I had another ultrasound and this was the beautiful sight I got to see.....

THESE ARE EGGS.....NOT BABIES (please don't get excited...unless you just love to get excited about eggs)


Please note this is not a picture of my actual ovary with eggs. If these were my eggs they would look a lot more like me!

BUT.....My eggs are looking good and big (big is what we want) and healthy! Brandon and I go back to the doctor on Sunday (yep, Sunday) for a quick ultrasound and reassurance that all is well.

Then....next week (Tuesday or Wednesday) we will retrieve those perfectly plumped eggs from my ovaries and proceed to make baby Bice's. This time next week we will be done with retrieval and getting ready to head into the embryo transfer. Which means by the second week of March.....we will know if it was successful!

Goooooo eggs!

How a fever almost ruined 4 weeks of preparations

Mid-January Brandon and I started our long awaited process leading to our IVF procedure. At first it was simple enough with medications. Then slowly shots were added. At this point I am a professional self-shot-giver. Sure...there are a few bruises here and there, but I think that's from laziness in technique! Then, we added more shots. These shots go in my lower back (which is just a nice way of saying upper butt). Although the shots themselves don't necessarily hurt (at least not every time), they go directly in the muscle, leaving the muscle sore and me walking a little delicately!

The point of all this is.....we were scheduled to have our egg retrieval next week. Things were going smoothly and just as planned.

Then I got sick on Monday. I didn't have the flu. I didn't have strep throat. But I had a fever. A nasty fever that I couldn't seem to control or get rid of. And apparently fevers can sometimes be harmful to producing healthy eggs, which is what I have been doing for the past month with medications and shots.

When my doctor told me this might be a problem I think my heart skipped a beat. I was terrified. We had been so patient (most of the time) and waited our turn. If we had to postpone our procedure I was going to be heartbroken. Period.

Thankfully (so thankfully), I had my blood work drawn today and everything seems good to go. As of right now we are scheduled to have our egg retrieval and transfer next week. Although I may never be able to fully describe the pain and sadness that comes with infertility, for the first time in so long Brandon and I get to experience the excitement that comes along with potentially starting our family. An excitement we will never take for granted.

Our journey started nearly two years ago and it's so hard to believe that this time next week the "hard part", as Brandon puts it, will be over. I laugh at that, because in my eyes....the "hard part" will be just beginning.