9 days left....random thoughts followed by more emotions. This pregnancy should really end soon!

Are you sick of reading about my pregnancy in EVERY.SINGLE.BLOGPOST?  Yeah....me too.  Sorry.  I guess it's all I really have to talk about right now, considering there is a giant human child growing inside of me.  The good news is.....With this baby arriving any day now, this may be the last (or close to last) pregnancy post you have to read.  If that is not enough to satisfy you....then, please, feel free to stop reading right now. 

Now...some final comments on this pregnancy.......

I laugh at myself each morning for putting on my wedding band and engagement ring.  Even while putting them on, I know they won't stay on my finger for more than an hour or two before my ring finger is turning a shade of blue and I am desperately trying to get them off.  Every single day I have at least one moment of panic that I can't get the rings off my newly fattened sausage finger, you think I would learn to just not wear them.  Swelling.....thanks so much!

I haven't dilated more than 1 cm in the past three weeks.  I go back to the doctor tomorrow and am truly hoping for some good news.  Please, please, please don't let me be that lady who has to be induced at 1 cm.  This is my only true fear right now.  Being naive is what has gotten me through this pregnancy.

I don't want to go past my due date, for many reasons....but the biggest reason is because I don't want to have to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital.  How am I supposed to enjoy the smells of turkey, dressing, and homemade goodies from my mom when all I can really smell is antiseptic, cleaning products, and other gross hospital smells (and don't act like you don't know that hospitals smell funny).  I have 9 days left where it can be about me.....and I want Thanksgiving at home.......yeah, I know....it's disgustingly selfish (and trust me, I feel really awful for saying it).

Sometimes in the middle of the night when I wake up to pee, for a moment I totally forget that I am pregnant.  That moment fades the second I try to get out of bed.  These days, I resort to a Roll/Shift/Pull method.....and that's just to get me sitting up on the edge of the bed.  Actually getting out of the bed is a whole other method of it's own.  If this pregnancy has taught me anything, it's that core strength truly IS as important as all those trainers have been telling us for years.  Also....I don't ever want to be 30 pounds overweight (and not pregnant)....it's too much stress and strain on muscles and joints. 

I attempted to paint my toenails last night.  First off, I am shocked this didn't sent me into labor.  Second, I am in desperate need of a pedicure.  Every time I put on shoes with shoe laces I cuss because it's so freaking uncomfortable to get my feet close enough to pull off this maneuver.  I also say a prayer that they don't come untied during the day and I back the prayer up with double (and sometimes triple) knotting.  Shoe laces coming untied would be a complete disaster in my life right now.

I have some co-workers who ask me EVERY MORNING when I come to work "You are here? (yes...they phrase it like a question)  So, you didn't have the baby yet?"  I won't even go into the responses that run through my head with these questions.  I will tell you, it takes everything inside of me to not be a total and complete smart ass.  EVERYTHING.

Nothing warms my heart more than listening to Brandon tell me how excited he is to meet his daughter and how much he can't wait to see her and hold her in his arms.  I know, already, that he will be an amazing father.  He already loves his little girl so much!  It gives me confidence and hope that together we will be good parents, even when we have NO clue as to what we are doing!

Having said that, Brandon is requesting that Josie arrive during the evening of Friday, November 18th.  Apparently there is good stuff on TV that night and if she would be so inclined as to grant him this one itsy bitsy tiny favor, he feels as though the time in the hospital could be spent wisely with television programming, Football games, etc.  I laugh every time he tells me this, but at the same time, I have a sinking feeling he may get his wish.   Wouldn't that be nuts? 

Sometimes I forget how lucky we are.  Not only that we are getting ready to become a family of three, but that this has been such an easy, stress-free pregnancy.  I forget that this child is our miracle.  Too easily I forget that it can be incredibly rare to get pregnant the first go around with IVF ICSI!  Sometimes I forget the year of pain, emotional and physical, that Brandon and I both endured to get here.  Too often I forget that this could be our one chance at a biological child.  Somewhere along the way we went from the couple struggling with infertility to your average, every day parents-to-be.  I have to say, I prefer that latter.  At some point we will have to go back to being that couple who struggles with infertility (if we want more children), but for now....we are soaking up the idea that we are no more than your typical, naive, scared, clueless, every-day, run of the mill, parents to be!  And for once.....we are completely comfortable with each of those adjectives!!!  Infertility can be your dark secret, but Brandon and I have felt good about sharing our struggles and concerns along the way.  I truly hope that some how, in the end, the blog posts that focused more on what we were going through will help someone else in their struggle.  I know just writing about it often helped me. 

My final thoughts on this matter (for now)....Josie Noelle is our blessing.   I get emotional and teary-eyed every time I think about the fact that we get to meet her in just a few short days.  No amount of swelling or weight gain or pain will ever change the fact that we would do this a thousand times over if it meant we got to go through this journey again!  Every year we add things to our list of all that we are thankful for.....this year, our list will grow by leaps and bounds!  This year, our greatest gift and blessing will be meeting our daughter and finally telling her how long we have waited for her, and how much we love her!

Blog hits new low.......

This evening after telling Brandon how much weight I have gained so far during this pregnancy...he gave me a lovely gift. After he got over the initial shock and scooped his jaw up off the floor, he replied with (I love this part), "I would have guessed about 18 pounds."
My God, I love my husband!  Seriously.  This is not a joke...it was the nicest thing I have heard in a long time.  I told Brandon that statement was better than receiving flowers any day. He made a mental note that this was a good statement (only to be used at the end of a pregnancy, of course) and he would use it again next time. Such a good man!!! Made my day!

Do they have to weigh me at every visit?  Obviously they can tell by looking at me that I am NOT underweight.  They can also probably tell that I have gotten bigger since the last visit (even though it was just 7 days ago. Will this growing EVER END?).  Can't we call it a day on those simple facts?  Apparently not. 

I also realized today, while leaving yet another urine sample that I am very judgemental of the other urine left in the box.  Seriously people.....drink a glass of water.  Do yourself, your body, and possibly your unborn child a favor and have a minimum of 8oz of water....please.   Because that tang-looking sample you have left is making me want to vomit.  Fine....call me a urine snob.  I don't care.  But, I would be happy for any stranger to see my extremely light yellow urine hanging out in the box.  Please note....it's marked "Lauren". 

This blog has really gone to a whole new level.  And not in a good way.

Whale Songs......

I am huge.  Like a whale.  HUGE.  And tired.

Even before getting pregnant I wasn't a great sleeper.  I can fall asleep faster than anyone you know, but I generally wake up in the middle of the night.  Once I wake up, the struggle begins.

Mind you, my above sleep problems were PRIOR to getting pregnant.  They have not improved.  People say stuff like "Oh, this is just preparing you for when you have a baby."  I hate those people (not really....that's just "Tired Lauren" talking). 

These days I wake up 30 times a night to go to the bathroom.  I recognize this is normal and complaining about this won't get me much sympathy.....as all pregnant women experience this.  I simply wish I was a better side-sleeper.  Since becoming HUGE, it's important to sleep on my side all the time with a giant pillow between my knees. 

I often wonder what Brandon thinks about the noises I make as I switch from my left side to my right in the middle of the night.  I call them my "whale songs", but they could more accurately be described as disheveled grunts and moans.  Followed by heavy panting....because obviously I am worn out from having to move my core 6 inches from one direction to the other. 

Although Brandon may be accustomed to hearing my nightly whale songs, last night I came upon a new discovery.  I can no longer make the shift from one side to another in one swift move.  Nope....I am so freaking large I have to stop, on my back, in the middle.....regroup.....then continue to the other side.  I am saddened by this new development.  It means I have reached a status even beyond whale.  I don't know what that status might be....but it's quite large.  I am a large, sleep deprived creature. 

Who said pregnancy wasn't beautiful?!

Let's not ignore the elephant in the room.......

I can't bite my tongue anymore.  I know we are all thinking it, so I will just say it.....

I am slightly disappointed in my floating astronaut baby ticker over on the right of the page --->
See it?  I really thought that the oval circle was meant to be my belly.  I had hoped that as the baby got bigger in my real belly, it, too, would grow in the ticker on my page.  But......to my chagrin, that baby hasn't grown since I first attached it to my page. In my actual belly, this child is quickly running out of space.  On my page, Josie appears to have PLENTY of room to grow.....this is not accurate! 

How embarrassing!?  Hopefully many of you have not taken the disappointment you must feel in my ability to pick out accurate tickers and allowed this to led you to question my actual parenting skills.  If you have.....my apologizes, fancy pants. 

Although, I do like the count down and seeing how many days I have left each time I open the blog, but sheesh...I could have done that with any old generic ticker.  Guess you can't win them all! 

Pumpkin Belly- 35 weeks

I have not put a whole lot of pregnant belly pictures on the blog because, as most pregnant women will agree, this is not really a time of my life I want to share those bare belly shots.  Although "natural and beautiful", let's face it......giant bellies are giant bellies and being self-conscious generally does not take a vacation simply because I am pregnant.

BUT.....some of these were too cute not to share!  My friends Samantha and Sydney came to the house last night and helped me make the belly a little festive!  Enjoy!

Measuring a year.......

525,600 minutes....how do you measure, measure a year? 

I have never actually seen the musical/Broadway show Rent, but I am somewhat familiar (meaning I know guess about 60% of the words) with the song "Seasons of Love". 

As I have been thinking about writing this blog, I find myself singing this song (mostly the refrain) over and over in my head. 

This weekend marked one year since I wrote this blog..... http://thebicefamilyblog.blogspot.com/2010/10/creative-ways-to-make-baby.html

I look back at this blog and any of the blogs I wrote regarding our infertility and IVF process and my heart hurts for "Lauren and Brandon of one year ago".  One year ago we had no idea where our lives were heading and what would come of our IVF process.  One year ago I was terrified and barely able to be completely honest with myself that we may not be able to have children.  The only answer we were given was that IVF ICSI was our only shot...no specifics, no guarantees, just lots of questions.

And here we are, almost exactly one year later, 34 weeks pregnant!  I can tell you, briefly, how we measured this past year.  I won't list every emotion that we have felt this past year, the insane highs and the scary lows...but the easiest way for me to measure this past year, is in LOVE.  I know, it sounds so freaking corny, but it's true.  This time last year we had no answers to the constant "When will you guys have kids?"  We didn't know if it was possible to ever have children. 

Only a few more weeks until we meet our daughter (I can't tell you how weird it feels to say that)!  525,600 minutes and here I am.....writing about our happy ending!  We feel blessed, and lucky, and so much love!  We will never forget this past year....where we started, what we went through, and our miracle outcome!

Angry seas.....

I laid in bed for about 15 minutes this morning just watching my belly move!  Some days watching Josie kick can only be caught if you happen to be looking at the exact right place at the exact right time.  Then there are moments like today, where you could see the movement from across the room, and still be totally grossed out (or excited). 

I don't know that I will ever get used to her movements, but I can tell you that I totally love them.  Some women think it feels creepy or weird.  And, although I agree, it's not natural to have another human squirming around in there, I think it's completely awesome!  Even when she kicks me so hard it takes my breath, I wind up wishing for more. 

This morning in particular my stomach resembled a scene from a movie.  I am sure the first movie you thought of was Alien, but I was thinking more along the lines of "The Perfect Storm".  My belly rolled in one direction, then turned back and rolled across the other way.  It was like the motion of an angry sea!  Huge waves passing by....but thankfully no sea-sickness or lost ships here.  As Josie gets bigger her movements are more detectable and noticeable by others and drastic! 

I have already decided she's a morning girl, like her Daddy (which leaves me none too happy, as I am NOT a morning person).  She also seems to be the most active right before lunch time and soon after dinner.  She is large enough, and my belly round enough, that just yesterday a co-worker watched in awww as she shifted around inside my stomach.  I can't get over how much I love this little lady already, even if she IS a morning person!  I hope to catch some of her motions and movements on video soon and add them to the blog.  Again, although some people find it creepy....I think it's amazing!